Pinkness

Well, after the excitement of Alice Cooper my bland little life hasn't seemed worth writing about. Not much has happened. The girl and I survived the school holidays without too many dramas, only came close to murder/suicide half a dozen times. At the moment I can't think of a single thing I achieved during the two weeks she was with me 24/7. I guess it doesn't matter, we have food to eat, clean clothes to wear, everything else is a bonus.
Yesterday we went to the salvos and bought a little 60's cupboard to go in the girl's room, $25. We then went to Bunnings and spent $140 on paint and a spray gun. Enough paint, hopefully, to eventually paint her room as well as the cupboard.
The cupboard just fit in the boot of the EK and after getting it home I managed to get it out of the boot and into the back yard (perhaps slogging at the gym is achieving something after all) to sand and paint it. The girl wanted pale pink with a rainbow. So I sanded all the old varnish off and was busting to use my new spray gun but the girl was even more desperate to help so we used brushes. She didn't do too bad a job after I explained to her about 75 times how to load up the brush with paint, and we got the first coat done eventually. I prayed it wouldn't rain and left it to dry. We cleaned up, came inside and got out the pencils to work out a design. I favoured the pink background with a very dominant rainbow diagonally across the front and top. The girl has decided on a rainbow just on the front, with love hearts, butterflies and stars and a moon on the top and sides. I honestly don't think I could do that without vomiting. I'll need to wear some sort of Goth talisman while I do it to protect me from the forces of all things pink and fluffy. At least she didn't want dolphins.
So today I sanded it back again and fired up the spray gun. I've always wanted one and it was only $40 so I thought I'd indulge (haven't bought a gadget for weeks). I read the instructions, carefully thinned the paint, sacrificed a pair of pantyhose to strain it, then blasted the cupboard. It looked great, for a few seconds, then every insect in the ACT landed on it and the paint started to run. Bum. So it was back to the brush to remove the flies and midges and fix up the dribbles. Lesson learned – use a finer spray and less paint. So now I pray it doesn't rain and will hopefully finish the pink tomorrow. I wish I could talk the girl into a more subtle design on it, just silver stenciled stars would look great, or a few mirror mosaic tiles scattered across it.
Regardless of how it looks it will ultimately mean the girl has more storage space in her room, which is the most important thing. Actually, with the macabre décor in the rest of the house, I'm not actually surprised she wants to go over the top naff for her room: a sanctuary of pink cuteness for a little girl lost in a sea of spiders, brutally murdered dolls, bats and blackness. I may, however, draw the line at the Ariel curtains she wants, I mean, can't she have pink spiders? Purple bats? I really wish I could steer her towards classic fairies and dragons and castles and away from the Disney pap but all my attempts have been woefully unsuccessful. I will persist.
So she dominates my life for now, that's OK, in a few years I'll be complaining that she never rings me or visits. She'll only be four once and I'll be a grown up for the rest of my life.

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Butane

I've done it. I've finally purchased the ultimate kitchen gadget. I've bought a little butane blow torch. It is the most indulgent I have ever been, kitchen wise. I mean, how often do I actually make crème brulee? And what else can you do with them besides melt sugar? I am cooking pork tonight and I was thinking I might try to crisp the crackling with the blow torch. I guess you could also use them to roast capsicum and peel tomatoes, but honestly – it would take a week and it's easier to do it with the BBQ. It took an eon to do the crust on the crème brulee and I was thinking maybe I should have gone to the hardware shop instead of the kitchenware place. It is quite woossy, a little flame that melted about 1cm2 of sugar at a time, but it was an enormous amount of fun.
I love making desserts. The more intricate and fiddly the happier I am. Unfortunately (for my waist line) I also love eating them. A well made dessert is pure bliss. I adore making elaborate decorations, sugar things and chocolate do-dads. I also love hiding the colour and content – especially with cakes – so once it is cut open a rainbow of colours and fillings are revealed. One of my favourite cakes is a chocolate cake done in the shape of a spider (of course!) but the body is filled with whipped green jelly so that when you stab the knife into its' stomach green goo oozes out. It's hysterically funny and looks great. I wish I had the opportunity (excuse) to do it more often. Unfortunately the child is entrenched in cliché at this stage of her life. For her last birthday I offered to make her a cake shaped like a castle, or a dragon, or a mushroom with fairies. But all she wanted was one of those cakes with a doll stuck in the middle of it. Yawn.
For my husbands' birthday last year I made, as well as the spider cake, chocolate covered Turkish Delight in the shape of skulls, several different kinds of bat shaped chocolates, many different biscuits and brownies shaped likes bats, ghosts and skulls. A myriad of Goth sweeties. I had an absolute ball making all the stuff and it took me several hours a night for over a week. Then we left it all sitting on the table in the kitchen and the damned dog ate most of it. I almost cried.
I would love to learn how to make sugar flowers; I have had a go just following instructions in book, with varying results. I managed to make decent enough roses to decorate our wedding cake. I made a basic sacher torte but with heaps of black food dye in the cake and ganache. The husband had found a cake topper that was a little bride and groom skeleton which was really cute and with the red roses and green leaves it looked pretty good. I would like to do a class to learn how to do flowers properly, but the only time they seem to be on in these parts is on a night that is unavailable to me. One day.
Tonight I have made the child a meat-loaf girl (biscuit cutter) which is currently going down like a lead balloon. It even had grated carrot hair. Apparently it is "disgusting".
Hopefully the boys will be more impressed with their blow torched pork.

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bbbbbbb

Tomorrow the pre-school is having a B-day party. The kids are dressing up as something that begins with B and we have to take a plate of food. I assumed the girl would go as a butterfly or ballerina or even, I cringe as I type this, a bride. But no, I was totally wrong. My beautiful little pink princess is going to B day as…..Batman!! And the biscuits we are taking are not butterflies but bones and bats! Praise be for the B. Dare I begin to hope that the pinkness is fading? These small victories give me strength...



p.s. there were 7 batmen, 2 bumble bees, buzz lightening, bob the builder, a brumby's fan, half a dozen butterflies and a couple of ballarinas.

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Chocolate Biscuits and other Obscenities

..I remember reading an interview with Jeanette Winterson in which she wouldn't deny having prostituted herself to rich, bored housewives – and being paid in Le Creuset saucepans. Hmm…
To ease the heartbreak of dealing with my disintegrating saucepans I have purchased a new toaster (old one didn't survive transit) which has a digital display and goes "beep" when the toast is done. It's not a Biacore or a HPLC, but it goes "beep". I also bought a spider web and spider biscuit cutter – cute.

So, the girl and I made biscuits: spiders and bats (I always try to bring some Goth into everyday life) and butterflies (my compromise to 4 yo girlishness). I chocolate coated them and decorated them. The plan was to put a red stripe on the spider's tails to make them into redbacks. Unfortunately in order to make biscuits that look like spiders the legs need to be a bit fatter than desirable for perfect spiders or they would break. So I have these pudgy spiders, covered in chocolate with a blob of red icing on their tail. They didn't look right, so I gave them eyes. I have successfully created chocolate 8 limbed frogs with pubic hair. Fortunately to an innocent 4 year old they are still red back spiders.
Then I knitted the arms for the princess – sewed up the hands and arms, stuffed them, then thought "my god, they are knitted penises". I teased the husband with them for a bit. He is mortified and has offered to get me some help but couldn't find the number for Obscene Knitters Anonymous. Anyway, once they were adorned with frilly bits and sewed onto the doll they became much less pornographic. But between the husband and I the doll will forever be known as Princess Penis Hands (she is pictured above).

I received some very bad and incredibly distressing news on the weekend – the husband informed me that I am supposed to be doing housework all day, not just phaffing around at the gym, in cafes and plebbed on the couch knitting. Really?? That's terrible and I'm sure it can't be right. I've given it a bit of a go this week, but I don't like it. I'm sure he's made a mistake….
Oooo, better go, my coffee is getting cold and Dr Phil is on.

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